How to navigate the "Fuck It" part

Knowing how to work successfully with the part that just doesn't care

This is a follow-up post to "How to Know When Fuck It is Fake Freedom."

Saying “Fuck It” to a thing that matters to you, be it sobriety, a challenging practice, a commitment you've made and now struggle with… well, that sense of freedom is short-lived. 

When we collapse around something important, it is not real liberty.

There are, of course, moments when Fuck It feels great, liberating, like you've just escaped the gaping maw of the control beast. 

But the sense of freedom you get from Fuck It is fleeting and comes at a great cost: faith and trust in oneself and the ability to keep commitments.

I KNOW this.

And yet, like you, I still have a hard time remaining committed to tough things.

Eating to care for my blood sugar, when I'd rather not pay any attention to it.

Making sure I move my body every day when I don't always want to.

It's easier to say "Fuck It" than to do the hard work of showing up for the relationship, that all-important relationship, with myself. 

Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. I bet you do. 

So how, then, do you stay committed to long-term plans and goals when, in the moment, all you want to do is feel the rush of relief from NOT having to do whatever hard thing you've promised yourself you will do? 

If you've been reading Glitter Joyride for a while, you probably have realized that the questions I'm exploring in this How to be Human series are not theoretical.

They are the things I'm exploring, discovering, questioning, and figuring out. 

Navigating the Fuck It part is particularly close to my heart.

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I'm a lifelong avowed anarchist.

I can't bear authority using power over me.

Tell me to do something, and I'll likely do the opposite. 

This strategy of trusting my own authority has been a lifesaver in many ways.

It kept me going through all the things I will not name here (no need to trauma dump), but you recognize as the extremely hard shit most of us have been through.

Keeping my own counsel and trusting my own knowing have been key, crucial practices over the years. 

But when I hit 50, things started to change in my body. T

his vessel needs a new level of care and tending.

It needs consistency, strategy, follow-through.

My wellness practices had to become more deliberate. Stretching in the morning is no longer optional, but necessary, for example.

At 30, Fuck It had much less impact.

At 50+, Fuck It feels self-destructive, and unloving. 

But the Fuck It part is strong, well-practiced.

It protects what it thinks is my freedom from the oppressive opinions of others. 

And.

I have another part, one that is supremely interested in longevity, and more than that, access.

It wants to be not just alive in 30-40 years, it wants the level of flexibility, balance, health, mental acuity that I see some of my elders enjoy: the ones who have been diligant and serious about self care, and who have excellent genes.

But death is not failure.

---

My friend tells the story of his dear friend I'll call Rhona.

Rhona watched as her mother lived a life of excess, parties, fun, hedonism.

Swearing not to be like her mom, Rhona was rigid about her health practices her whole life.

Not only rigid, demanding and judgmental, of herself and others. There was a right way, a single path, and she did not deviate.

I don’t know what Rhona did with her Fuck It part, maybe she doesn’t have one.

When my friend visits, she only allows him decaf coffee, and gives a stinkeye about that.

But Rhona…she rolled into her 60s, only to be diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. 

Having watched my own Grandfather die of Parkinson's, it is a horrible wasting condition.

No self-care Rhona did could have prevented it, at least in what is currently known about the disease. 

Maybe she could have Fucked It a little more.

It’s never too late to Fuck It.

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Fuck It for me now looks like disregarding the practices I've come to know from the teaching of my body:

1. Go real easy on white rice, white flour, and white sugar.

2. Limit sweets and alcohol.

3. Caffeine creates inflammation, be easy with your system.

I have to be careful with these guidelines because too much of these substances cause my blood sugar to freak out, and too much limitation of these causes my Fuck Restriction part to freak out.

It's a balance, and I don't have super awesome tools to measure it. 

Having a Fuck It part means I have to go gently.

Many internal conversations happen frequently.

Mostly, Fuck It doesn't want to engage.

So I have to get the older, wiser part of me to talk calmly to Fuck It.

They explain why today is not the right day for Fucking It.

“We Fucked It yesterday, so today, we're not going to do that.”

“We will Fuck It again in the future, not to worry. This is not a diet. This is not external authority being imposed.”

Remember what we really, really want? Longevity and Health??

That's how those conversations go, on repeat. 

I don't expect Fuck It to go away.

I don't want it to.

Because it also offers great protection: am I turning toward my inner counsel?

Am I trying to walk someone else's path?

Fuck It to the rescue!

I'm curious about you. Do you have good tools to navigate Fuck It? How do you stay committed to long term self-care, while not feeling overly rebellious? 

This week's practice: Say hi to Fuck It with kindness. Say "Thank You" for whatever Fuck It does for you.